Emos vs Football Players
by Hwikek
Summary: We all expected this to happen some day.  But none of us expected this to happen where it did, in a country that isn't the USA.


"Oh hi Tomo!"

"Hey Osaka!"

"Whatcha doin' in that shirt thing?"

"It's my football jersey!" the girl chimed, "last week I made a goal!"

"Well that's real nice Tomo," said Osaka, "ah didn't know that you were into sports, or that ya could actually play sports well. I'm impressed!"

"Heh, of course I can," the Wildcat bragged, "there's never been a physical activity I couldn't do!"

"What about distance runnin'?" Osaka asked in her usual, attentive way.

"Dammit, shut up!"

"Ah, you're yellin' at me!" Osaka whimpered, covering her head with her arms in case of a wildcat slap.

"Hey you guys."

"Hi Kagura!" then Osaka paused for a moment, "why're you wearin' a jersey?"

"'Cause I play football!" she happily shouted with glee, "me and Tomo are on the same team. I won the last game we were in!"

"That's nice," said Osaka, a happy and vacant smile on her face. The classroom door opened for just a moment as two figures walked in. Osaka turned to them, that same smile still etched into her features. "Hey Sakaki and Kaorin," she then felt a question squirm into her mind, "why are y'all wearin' black?"

Sakaki gave the spacey girl her usual glance, the one that caused people to shrink away or piss their pants as she gazed down at them. Her eyes were slightly narrowed and her mouth slanted to convey a message that instantly shut up the person or gave them the impression that she wanted to never see them ever again. Naturally; Osaka shrank back and huddled near one of the desks, her body trembling like a leaf. Sakaki wondered why Osaka had moved away from her, feeling hurt and confused. But the tall, quiet girl quickly moved to complete the mission that she had entered the classroom, after hours, to fulfill. She marched up to Kagura and grabbed her jersey, twisted a small section into a dense knot of fabric and pulled that up to the shorter girl's throat.

"You."

"Sakaki?"

"I want to fight you."

"Wha-wha?" Kagura gasped as her friend told her these words, "Sakaki," she stuttered as the taller, darker teen loomed over her face, "you're scaring me." The tanned girl gulped as she was forced to look into her friend's eyes.

"Go Miss Sakaki!" cheered Kaorin, not having heard a single word Sakaki had said or noticed anything that was going on in the room.

"Shut up!" Tomo snapped.

"Hyagh!" Kaorin hissed at the Wildcat as her body seemed to coil up like a viper about to strike.

"And why are you wearing that black crap around your eyes anyways?" Tomo shouted at the girl.

Kaorin took in an angry, lungful of air before she shouted back, "It's mascara!"

"Why in the heck do you have mascara on, especially that much? If you're trying to use make up for a date at least do it the right way!"

"I'm not going on a date, you moron!" she yelled at the top of her lungs, "I'm emo!"

Tomo's left eye twitched in response to the sudden confession. Then her eyes wandered over to the Lone Wolf holding the tomboy by her throat. She smirked before saying, "you're just doing this because Sakaki is doing it aren't you?"

"Pretty much," Kaorin mumbled, an unhappy frown on her face, "my skin is so pale with this black shirt on that I look like a vampire." She held up her left arm for emphasis.

"A real cute vampire," said Tomo.

"Vampires aren't cute!"

"Oh come on, didn't you ever read Chibi Vampire?"

"What do you think I am?" asked Kaorin, "an otaku?"

"Sorry, sorry, my mind was thinking about my friend Konata when I said that."

Then a whimper drew their attention back to Sakaki and Kagura. The smaller girl was feeling frightened as she was being tightly gripped by her jersey.

"And all I wanted to do was dribble a football on my knees!" she sobbed, "now you're gonna fight me? But I thought we were friends!" she protested, "why are you saying this?"

"Then let me explain it to you, so clearly that you can't help but understand."

A week ago Kagura had been trailing Sakaki as the taller girl walked home from school. Sighing in confusion Sakaki's face resembled Kyon's as she looked to the side, then she perked up when lo and behold a cat was asleep on the wall next to her. She smiled with glee as she reached out to try and pet the surprisingly cute animal when….

"Is that Kimura dressed up as our class mascot again?" asked Kagura.

Sakaki then let out a scream that caused the entire city to jump. Indeed; Kimura was dressed up in that unusual costume. When she did the cat woke up. It hissed menacingly at Sakaki before it jumped and bit down on her arm. Sakaki had then started to jump around waving her limb franticly in pain. Suddenly, more cats came out of nowhere and started latching their jaws onto Sakaki. She was quickly covered from head to toe by a hoard of angry, hissing felines. She instantly remembered the time that her brain had convinced her to volunteer at an animal shelter. She'd been bandaged up for a week afterwards.

"It's Sakaki!" Kimura cried before coming towards her as fast as he possibly could in the strange outfit.

Sakaki's eyes looked like Sōsuke Aizen had Suigetsued her into kicking a bunny. She ran off with about twenty five cats tightly latched into her flesh and clothing at a speed that would have put a cheetah to shame.

"Hey wait up!" yelled Kagura, "don't leave me with this creeper!" The tomboy then ran to catch up with Sakaki.

The Lone Wolf elegantly ran as tears began to flow from her face in pretty little anime sparkles. Her motion seemed to be captured in slow-mo, just like in episode two of Sgt. Frog when Momoka thought Fuyuki hated her. _Why do bad things happen to me all the time?_ she thought to herself, _do I just have bad karma or something?_ The cats whose teeth were well dug into her body swayed from side to side as she ran in slow-mo. Sakaki bit back the pain in her throat as the fangs remained in her flesh. She ran in tears all the home. As she unlocked the door Kagura came up from behind and accidentally shoved her into the living room.

"Upstairs!" yelled Kagura as the cats that had gripped Sakaki ran off as quickly as they could before Kagura just started kicking them out the front door.

"And stay out!" she yelled as she threw a gray one by the tail. The cat howled in agony as it sailed through the sky before connecting with a lamppost at a speed close to Mach 1. The two of them then went up to Sakaki's room. "I need to show you something!" said Kagura as she began to madly type on Sakaki's computer. The quiet girl tried to say something but even Kagura's silence was too loud for her to get a word in edgewise. "There we are!"

Sakaki watched as Minamo appeared on screen, with her hair altered to look like Dawn's and wearing what looked like a replica of the coordinator's pink contest attire. The opening of _Bad Romance_ began to play as Minamo pointed at the camera. Just before the word romance was sung; Minamo sang it herself. Sakaki found hearself hearing Minamo making weird noises before intelligible lyrics entered her ears.

"_I want your ugly, I want your disease_

_I want your everything, as long as it's free._

_I want your love_."

Sakaki felt her face form that eyeless pose anime characters use whenever they've seen something that makes them too shocked to facepalm. Then she heard Minamo go on.

"_You know that I want you, and you know that I need you._

_I want it bad, your bad romance._

_I want your love and I want your revenge_

_You and me could write a bad romance!_"

Sakaki saw Kaorin appear in a similar dress to do the other vocals.

Minamo then began to sing again.

"_I want your love and all your lovers' revenge_

_You and me could write a bad romance!_"

Sakaki tried to hum a song by the more talented Ricky Martin in her head to not hear what was being sung; yet, Kagura mistook it for Sakaki wanting the volume turned up higher.

"_Walk, walk, fashion baby._

_Work it, move that bitch crazy!_

_Walk, walk, fashion baby._

_Work it, move that bitch crazy!_

_Walk, walk, fashion baby._

_Work it, move that bitch crazy!_

_Walk, walk, fashion baby._

_Work it, I'm a freak bitch baby!_

_I want your love and I want your revenge._

_I want your love_!"

Minamo and Kaorin then picked up two posters. One of Yukari, the other of Sakaki, it was not necessary to say which one of them picked up the one of Sakaki.

"_I don't wanna be friends!_"

Then they proceeded to sing with bad French accents for a couple lines.

"_Je veux ton amour, et je veux ton revenge._

_J'veux ton amour, I don't wanna be friends!_

_I don't wanna be friends!_

_I don't wanna be friends!_

_Want your bad romance!_

_Want your bad romance!_"

Sakaki could hear the music slowly fade away and thought to herself, _thank God! I never want to see that video ever again!_

"Did you like it?" asked Kagura, who then started it over again without waiting for Sakaki's response.

Sakaki tried not to listen to what was being said on her monitor and covered her ears screaming at the top of her lungs to try to forget what had just happened and also tried doing that by opening the window.

She heard hisses from below and as soon as she looked down a cat leapt up and clung to her face. Sakaki's muffled screams grabbed Kagura's attention as the tomboy was desecrating a Hello Kitty mouse pad by Sharpieing out _Hello_ and writing _Emo _below it while simultaneously coloring black rings around the chibi cat's eyes and darkening her pink dress.

The tomboy gave Sakaki a concerned look as she made Hello Kitty's bow black.

"I don't think I'll ever understand why you like it when cats do that to you," she bluntly stated, unable to tell that Sakaki's screams, muffled by cat, weren't happy giggles.

The scene then flashed back to the present where Kagura was about to wet herself in fear of being beaten.

"Why didn't you say something?" Kagura asked Sakaki.

Sakaki merely sighed in disbelief, when Minamo walked into the classroom.

"I heard you were about to fight with each other," she said to Sakaki and Kagura, "and I have just the thing to say about that!"

A strange tune filled the air as well as a weird noise.

"_Llego el momento  
><em>

_Caen las murallas  
><em>

_Va a comenzar  
><em>

_La única justa  
><em>

_De la batallas!_

_No duele el golpe,  
><em>

_No existe el miedo!  
><em>

_Quítate el polvo,  
><em>

_Ponte de pie  
><em>

_Y vuelves al ruedo!_

_Y la presión  
><em>

_Que sientes  
><em>

_Espera en ti,  
><em>

_Tu gente!_

_Ahora vamos por todo  
><em>

_Y te acompaña la suerte  
><em>

_Tsamina mina Zangaléwa  
><em>

_Porque esto es África!_

_Tsamina mina ¡Eh! ¡Eh!  
><em>

_Waka waka ¡Eh! ¡Eh!  
><em>

_Tsamina mina Zangaléwa  
><em>

_Porque esto es África!_

_Oye tu dios y  
><em>

_No estarás solo!  
><em>

_Llegas aquí  
><em>

_Para brillar  
><em>

_Lo tienes todo!_

_La hora se acerca  
><em>

_Es el momento  
><em>

_Vas a ganar  
><em>

_Cada batalla  
><em>

_Ya lo presiento!_

_Hay que empezar  
><em>

_De cero  
><em>

_Para tocar  
><em>

_El cielo!_

_Ahora vamos por todo  
><em>

_Y todos vamos por ellos!  
><em>

_Tsamina mina Zangaléwa  
><em>

_Porque esto es África!_

_Tsamina mina ¡Eh! ¡Eh!  
><em>

_Waka waka ¡Eh! ¡Eh!  
><em>

_Tsamina mina Zangaléwa_

_Anawa Aa  
><em>

_Porque esto es África!_

_Tsamina mina ¡Eh! ¡Eh!  
><em>

_Waka waka ¡Eh! ¡Eh!  
><em>

_Tsamina mina Zangaléwa  
><em>

_Porque esto es África!_

_Ame la mejole bigi bigi mama_

_Wat et to zet!_

_Asi tsu makyuni bigi bigi mama_

_From East to West!_

_Asi waga waga ma! ¡Eh! ¡Eh!_

_Waga waga ma! ¡Eh! ¡Eh!_

_Tendency suna tsibuye_

_Porque esto es África!_

_Tsamina mina mina_

_Anawa Aa!_

_Tsamina mina_

_Tsamina mina_

_Anawa Aa!_

_Tsamina mina ¡Eh! ¡Eh!  
><em>

_Waka waka ¡Eh! ¡Eh!  
><em>

_Tsamina mina Zangaléwa_

_Anawa Aa!_

_Tsamina mina ¡Eh! ¡Eh!  
><em>

_Waka waka ¡Eh! ¡Eh!  
><em>

_Tsamina mina Zangaléwa  
><em>

_Porque esto es África!_"

Sakaki then gave a smile.

"I didn't understand any of that," and punched Kagura in the face.


End file.
